No really. I truly am. I know I'm not alone in this, but I've got to find a way to address this issue.
One of the major issues that's held me back over the years has been self-sabotage. Why do I set myself up for failure? Because then I won't be found out for a fraud somewhere down the line. I have control over my own downfall.
Case in point: I won't be making The Flea auditions. Why? Because I took so freaking long to decide on headshots. And why did I take so freaking long to decide on headshots? Because then I wouldn't have to audition and could fail by my own terms.
Now I will give myself some credit. I am getting better at this. I do believe in my work. I do believe that I can succeed at this acting thing. I have now identified the pattern and I can now start to break that pattern. That's one of the most important things to me about embarking on this adventure: breaking the old destructive patterns.
I can't linger on this misstep. I can only move forward.
What have I done?
Headshots chosen. Should be ready for duplication on Friday.
Scene memorized. Rehearsing with Lara this afternoon. Gonna rock it.
2 new classical monologues memorized.
Allowing myself the failure so that I can learn and move on.
Moving on...
It's The Thought That Counts
2 years ago
Good post. Sorry to hear about the misstep, but there's no other real way to learn. Just keep breathing and keep present and you'll be fine. You're already on the right path.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jay. I've made the conscious decision to be as honest with myself throughout this process. There's no other way to grow. Lara and I had a great meeting yesterday and I'm already feeling re-energized.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Kevin, I struggle with this exact thing so much-- I think a lot of actors do. I find so many reasons not to go to auditions! It makes me crazy. I want to be an actor, but that means stepping up and getting out there and being seen! it's a see-saw battle. I salute your courage and perseverance and just know that there are others out there wrestling with the same thing!
ReplyDelete